Finding people worth spending my time with is like finding a diamond in a huge, steaming pile of shit that just seems to get bigger with each passing second.
It is 28 past ten, and I've spent the last 4hours non-stop on the internet. Mostly reading articles. Not sure, but I think the amount I spend on internet (when I get the chance) might be characterized as a form of psychological addiction.
Anyhow, to the point. Although I'm not sure how many, if anyone, will read this, but this space is as much about me getting the thoughts out as it is getting them to someone, just feel like spilling the guts.
Most of the people I've met in my life, have been, what I'd call, ''passers''. They don't remain here for long, be it because I don't want them around anymore, I never wanted them around to begin with or that they don't want me around. Latter bothers me the least, actually.
I do admit that I do not understand how people sustain friendships for a really long time, but I especially don't understand the effort put into it because of principles that seem to me completely insidious.
Judging from experience, tales and statistics, most people are either not worth spending your time with, and quite a lot are not worth spending your time with yet. I've seen people change into what is a more attractive personality, and, sadly, quite the reverse, too. Still don't see much of a pattern, maybe my fault, maybe there is no pattern to see, maybe there are just too many factors for me to comprehend.
Anyhow, besides that, nothing that much to add, besides things like me doing more drug experimentation lately and changing my views one-at-a-time, to even more unpopular ones in comparison to what they were before. If majority thought I was a whack before, now they would think so even more. And that is okay.
I mean, what isn't okay in this world, really? Desensitization, coupled with distancing, is, in a way, a tactic of coping.
Speaking of coping. A quick thought on trauma got me thinking. Trauma is, in general, bad for well-being, but, as it is unavoidable in the process of existence, it is significant that trauma occurs, preferably, in proportionally increasing amounts. Let's say we make a scale, 1 to 10, of the traumaticism of experiences. If a person has experienced no trauma in its life and its first experience of trauma is a 10, chances of that person coping and handling it are way lower, than if said person has experienced weaker proportions of trauma before, as it toughens us up. One has to remember, however, that, as one movie put it, ''every man has his breaking point'', and that certain experiences, especially on a long enough timeline, can shatter almost anyone. There are variables, but everyone can break, once the limit is breached.
I just wonder what will be my next breaking point.