This time seriously. I just hope I will be able to get out of this, soak to the bone or not.
Note to self: exercise more caution.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Monday, August 20, 2012
Recent.
Chain smoking half a pack of cigarettes will make you feel like shit. Even more so if you've done meth the previous day.
Not sure if a bad crash or nicotine poisoning.
On another note, I'm tired of all the fuss surrounding people that partake in drugs. I'm fucking tired of not having the slightest idea on what's going on. I'm also tired of people not being mindful enough to remember what I've said.
Especially when I've said that five fucking times in a row, you bologna-ass fucktards.
Also, had a twitch, freaked me out. Fry, fry, fry the brain.
Oh, and I haven't slept for more than 24h, and I'm only now starting to feel drowsy. Usually I feel like shit way before that.
What can we conclude from that?
Not sure if a bad crash or nicotine poisoning.
On another note, I'm tired of all the fuss surrounding people that partake in drugs. I'm fucking tired of not having the slightest idea on what's going on. I'm also tired of people not being mindful enough to remember what I've said.
Especially when I've said that five fucking times in a row, you bologna-ass fucktards.
Also, had a twitch, freaked me out. Fry, fry, fry the brain.
Oh, and I haven't slept for more than 24h, and I'm only now starting to feel drowsy. Usually I feel like shit way before that.
What can we conclude from that?
Monday, August 13, 2012
I didn't write this sober.
Just you and me, eh?
- just you and me, kid, everyone else is a passerby.I stay, you stay as well, and, although we may not be the best company to each other, this is the only guarantee. You can only leave yourself if you betray yourself. Some manage to, however, and they wallow in something way worse to what you find yourself in right now. You may think your problems are a big deal, and I'm not saying they aren't. It's just that others' problems are a big deal to them. You must knuckle on through and keep your head straight.
This will be over before you know it.
And so, I'm sitting here, slightly drunk, as I just let that vodka drip down my throat, burning it in the process. It is a matter of self destruction. It is a matter of destroying yourself when the world doesn't work the way you want it to. It's stupid, yet I couldn't resist. It has been a while, since such rage had taken me over. I want to slit some throats. I want to see someone bleed. I want to see myself bleed. I mean, I try, but what's the use, when in the end it's just disappointment and fiasco carousel over and over, and over again. This time, I've gotten sick, and I want to puke. I want to puke it all out and be clean like the sky is sometimes. I want to be clearer than the clear, I do sometimes want this over with.
There is no light ahead when you stop looking. And you have. You've given up. You've given up on everyone, you've given up on yourself. Sometimes you think you cannot take it anymore, but then, when you realize the shit you've taken, you understand that you can. you can take it, and a whole lot more. And that's one of the reasons you do. That's one of the reasons you almost never cry. You've learned, and you've learned well.
When you spill your insides for others to behold,
you oughta expect them not liking the sight,
your guts out, everything you are to be.
It's all observable, all the mistakes and mishaps.
And although you may hold onto an ideal tightly.
When this happens, it's all left for me.
Left for me to be heartless,
left for me to not care.
And then, sometimes you visit,
although you don't always dare.
All that is provided is to pass by.
And you're never to hold onto it.
And when you can never grasp and all you hold dear is so fleeting.
So becomes existence itself.
I think, at times when I felt like killing someone, it was just too much for me. I cannot always take it. I may be the peacebringer. The guy that entertains. The guy that often doesn't care. But I'm still human.
Just a human. All I really am. A piece of meat attached to a sophisticated computer, with preprogrammed functions I am to fulfill. Sometimes I want to fuck nature over, but it always ends vice versa. Vice versa, over and over and over again.
I'm honestly really tired. I'm tired of the loneliness, I'm tired of feeling like nobody cares, and yet, I do. Imprisoned in a shell built by me/.
- just you and me, kid, everyone else is a passerby.I stay, you stay as well, and, although we may not be the best company to each other, this is the only guarantee. You can only leave yourself if you betray yourself. Some manage to, however, and they wallow in something way worse to what you find yourself in right now. You may think your problems are a big deal, and I'm not saying they aren't. It's just that others' problems are a big deal to them. You must knuckle on through and keep your head straight.
This will be over before you know it.
And so, I'm sitting here, slightly drunk, as I just let that vodka drip down my throat, burning it in the process. It is a matter of self destruction. It is a matter of destroying yourself when the world doesn't work the way you want it to. It's stupid, yet I couldn't resist. It has been a while, since such rage had taken me over. I want to slit some throats. I want to see someone bleed. I want to see myself bleed. I mean, I try, but what's the use, when in the end it's just disappointment and fiasco carousel over and over, and over again. This time, I've gotten sick, and I want to puke. I want to puke it all out and be clean like the sky is sometimes. I want to be clearer than the clear, I do sometimes want this over with.
There is no light ahead when you stop looking. And you have. You've given up. You've given up on everyone, you've given up on yourself. Sometimes you think you cannot take it anymore, but then, when you realize the shit you've taken, you understand that you can. you can take it, and a whole lot more. And that's one of the reasons you do. That's one of the reasons you almost never cry. You've learned, and you've learned well.
When you spill your insides for others to behold,
you oughta expect them not liking the sight,
your guts out, everything you are to be.
It's all observable, all the mistakes and mishaps.
And although you may hold onto an ideal tightly.
When this happens, it's all left for me.
Left for me to be heartless,
left for me to not care.
And then, sometimes you visit,
although you don't always dare.
All that is provided is to pass by.
And you're never to hold onto it.
And when you can never grasp and all you hold dear is so fleeting.
So becomes existence itself.
I think, at times when I felt like killing someone, it was just too much for me. I cannot always take it. I may be the peacebringer. The guy that entertains. The guy that often doesn't care. But I'm still human.
Just a human. All I really am. A piece of meat attached to a sophisticated computer, with preprogrammed functions I am to fulfill. Sometimes I want to fuck nature over, but it always ends vice versa. Vice versa, over and over and over again.
I'm honestly really tired. I'm tired of the loneliness, I'm tired of feeling like nobody cares, and yet, I do. Imprisoned in a shell built by me/.
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